Emotional Blackmailing: A Sneaky Trick We All Hate

 

Emotional Blackmailing: A Sneaky Trick We All Hate

Ever feel like someone is manipulating your feelings just to serve their own interests? That’s emotional blackmail. It feels like they have figured out how to work you — which isn’t cool.

What is Emotional Blackmail?

Emotional blackmail happens when someone uses your feelings against you. They will make you feel guilty, terrified, or shameful to force you to do what they want you to do. It’s manipulative as hell and wrong!

For example, a friend will say, “If you really cared about me, you would do this for me.” Ring a bell? It’s an oldie, but a goodie, and it is not right!

Why Do People Do It?

Usually it’s control. Someone who functions on emotional blackmail usually wants control in the relationship. They might be so fearful of losing you, or maybe they just don’t know how to ask for what they really need in an appropriate way. Its not an excuse, but it helps to know why they are doing it.

How to Deal with Emotional Blackmail

1. Identify It: If you feel you are being manipulated, recognize it. Are they using guilt, fear, or promises to influence or control you?
2. Set Boundaries: It is perfectly okay to say no. This is your right, so don’t waver.
3. Stay Calm: Don’t fall into an argument. Maintain your composure.
4. Communicate: If it is someone who is dear to you, you owe it to them to point out how their actions affect you.
5. In some cases, they don’t even realize they are doing it. Simply having an appropriate discussion can impact their actions and behaviors.

My Personal Take

I’ve been the target of emotional extortion and let me tell you, it doesn’t feel good. At first, I felt like the villain for saying, “no.” Then I realized my issue wasn’t my saying “no,” it was her manipulation to get me to say “yes.”
It wasn’t easy learning how to stand up for myself, but it was worth it. I still find myself in the same situations I was in before, but I’ll be damned if I let someone use guilt to steer me in a direction I don’t want to go.